Confessions of a Hermit - Part 2

Right now as I type, my neighbors are on the porch next-door visiting. Why have I not joined them? I don't feel excluded or alienated. But with the kids out on a playdate, I just would much rather be alone. Remember what silence sounds like. Enjoy an uninterrupted moment with the current book I've been reading. Is this antisocial?

Lately, I've really immersed myself in reading. It has been such a long time since I've been able to do that. On Tuesday, I finished Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, and now I'm getting deep into The Freedom Writer's Diary. I have my next selection at hand. What can I say? I like to read. It's like a healthy dessert for my brain. So for today, I'll let the neighbors chat, I'll let the kids play with their friends, and after I rotate the laundry, I'll even let that set for a time. But now, I choose to be alone and read.

p.s. Have you read any good books lately that you'd like to share with me? I'd love some suggestions!

What Makes A Father Good?

What makes a father good? Is it the car he drives or the size of his bank account? Or is it simply in the daily choices he makes?
Does he put on a brave face when he, himself is uncertain of the future?
Does he take every opportunity possible to teach his children, of respect, of work, of the gospel, and of kindness?
Does he live by his word?
Does he walk by example?
Does he spend the last moments of a tired day frolicking on the floor with three wired boys?
Does he put everyone's happiness above his own?
Does he honor his priesthood?
Does he teach his boys how to be men?
Does he live the way he should?
Does he carry a sleeping 4 year old from car booster seat to bed?
Does he love, provide for, and care for his two step children as if they were his own?
Does he take a family of two, accept a family of three, and MAKE a family of five?
Does he love his wife with all his heart?
Does he look out for her best interest above his own?
Does he know exactly what to say to make her laugh til she cries?
Does he always offer a shoulder to cry on and (Although she'd never take him up on it) offer his shirtsleeve as a Kleenex substitute?
Does he put a glass of icewater beside her bed each and every night?

If his name is Alfonso, then the answer is a resounding, "Yes!" And not only are we speaking of a Father who is exquisitely good, but a Husband who is true, and a Friend who is THERE. Happy Father's Day, Alfonso. We love you!

A Splendid Birthday

Yesterday, June 15th was my 30th birthday. It was really great. Alfonso woke me up with a piece of chocolate cake with a lit candle on top, and he sang me Happy Birthday. I opened my first present in bed, 2 tickets to see American Idol in Concert next month!!! My day was already complete! I went to Bountiful to have some girl's-day-out fun. My mom, sister Delynn, and neice Megan ate lunch at Robintino's and later got pedicures. I'm lovin' my toes.

Afterwards we went back to Mom's house to visit for a while and play a quick game of Curses (my sister Delynn and her family gave it to me, if you haven't played it, you haven't lived.)

I came home to Heber to be surprised by a living room full of helium balloons, colorful crepe paper, a Mr. Squarepants pinata, a rose, a cake and another gift. All 4 of my boys jumped up from behind the couch and yelled, "surprise."


We had a quick Family Home Evening/Birthday Party, Alfonso handed out previously purchased McD. hamburgers to the kids. They gobbled them up just as the babysitter rang the doorbell. It was time for Alfonso's final surprise.

Before continuing, I would like to quote the menu:
First Course, Fondue for Two: Gruyere & Emmental Cheese, Apples, Cornichons, Sourdough Bread, Pearl Onions.
Second Course, Soup du Jour
Third Course, Pan Roasted Chicken Breast, Herbed Spaetzle, Asparagus, Chicken Jus.
It was divine.
Alfonso had taken me to enjoy fine dining at Blue Boar Inn. It was so fun. The chef sent out a complimentary dessert for my birthday. Behold the "Black and Tan!"
I literally got the chills when I got the the chocolate mousse part. It was decadent and quickly became my new FAVORITE dessert! The waiter explained how it takes the chef two days to make it! Apparently, great things come to those who wait. If little discoveries like this can happen when you're 30, then life has just begun. I don't feel old, nor should I. Rather, I feel grateful that the 20's are over, that I survived them, and that I am privileged to share my life with a miraculous man and our wonderful children. It is true, GREAT things DO come to those who WAIT!

Summer Resolution

I'm scared. I just have this anxiety over what I'm going to do with the kids for the next two or three months. Summer has officially started, they're home full-time for the first time in long time. The best thing I can come up with so far is, "Let them play." We've set a goal to read each day, we'll keep it. We have a list of things we want to do (eg. the park, picnics, swimming, library, etc.) But how far will that get us? How long until they strangle each other, or me? Will sanity perservere? Will we all survive?

Sensational Summer Quotes:
Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. ~Russel Baker

Summer afternoon - summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language. ~Henry James

Summer is the time when one sheds one's tensions with one's clothes, and the right kind of day is jeweled balm for the battered spirit. A few of those days and you can become drunk with the belief that all's right with the world. ~Ada Louise Huxtable

I Like This

My good friend Marcie sent me this thought and I very much appreciated it. It's wonderful:

"Parents who have surrendered the sweetest and smallest flowers from the family's garden need to remember our Heavenly Father. He has promised a special reward to those who now suffer in silence, who spend long days and longer nights through their trying times of bereavement.
Our Creator has promised glory.
He said, 'For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but nigh at hand.' (D&C 58:4)
That promised glory includes the blessing of reunion with each child who has left the family circle to help surviving members of the family to draw nearer to God. Those children still live and are a heritage to the Lord."

---Russel M Nelson

Will's First Black Eye

Yesterday, Will came home with his first shiner. We're not sure how it happened, but here it is, almost visible. He's becoming quite the tough kid. I included some pictures with his sock monkey, "Socks." Ever since he saw Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, they've been good buddies.

The Double-Edged Sword

One of the worst things about divorce is how it affects your kids. For the rest of their lives, they will have to deal with the mess you've made. On the bright side of it all, I'm so thankful to have all three of our boys at home the majority of the time. Then the "Every other weekend" comes. It is a thing I both look forward to, and dread.

Every other weekend, the kids go stay with their "other" parents. Ben with his "mom," and Spence and Will with their "dad." This is both an obvious blessing and an undeniable curse.
Blessing: A weekend free, a night free, or even just an hour free from the usual requests, squabbles, defiances, and demands of parenthood. And while you miss your children a lot, you get some time to recharge those battered batteries.
Curse: It's like every other weekend, letting go of your most precious possessions, your life's purpose. And with a big hug, and a kiss on the forehead, you buckle them in the car and force a smile, wave goodbye and watch as they are escorted away by Lex Luthor. Suddenly the little things that were driving you crazy all week, seem unimportant, and you just wish they could stay. It takes a lot of faith to trust the untrustworthy.

The real thing that is difficult here is not being the parent saying goodbye, it is being the child who must go between households whether or not they like it. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be in their shoes. Their relationship with mom and dad must also be a double-edged sword. That being said, I am proud of them for doing what they do and still smiling so brightly.

I just can't wait til they come home tomorrow.

Somewhere In Dreamland

When I was little, my brothers and I loved to rent and watch the "Fabulous Fleisher Folios." "Somewhere in Dreamland" was our favorite cartoon of the lot. Please watch the whole thing, it's guaranteed to warm your heart. (pause the music below first)

Somewhere In Dreamland



Here are a couple other favorites:
Hawaiian Birds

Alls Fair at the Fair

Dynomite Pink Spandex

(Before you watch this, pause the Josh Groban music below, and make sure you are sitting down.)

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Nothing is Ever Lost

Update: I'm feeling good, much better. I thrive on distractions and busyness and while part of me hesitates to linger on our loss, I recall in a previous post that I promised to share some of the things I've recently learned. Here goes.

Losing a baby at any stage before its birth is a heartwrenching loss and instantly poses many questions. Each situation is so different, each couple, parent, family, and child. I believe our merciful Heavenly Father is mindful of each of His children, their individual questions and situations and, in time, as we seek for God's truth, His enlightenment will come.

I think it can take a lifetime to take the 'miss' out of a miscarraige. And while it will always be 'missed,' I strongly feel that our baby is NOT 'missing.'

The prophet Joseph Smith Jr. taught the following: "A question may be asked - 'Will mothers have their children in eternity?' Yes! Yes! Mothers, you shall have your children; for they shall have eternal life, for their debt is paid." While speaking at the funeral of a small child, the prophet pointed to the child's mother and said: "You will have the joy, the pleasure and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit."

President Smith also taught that, "The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again." At another time he said, "We came to this earth that we might have a body and present it pure before God in the Celestial Kingdom. The great principle of happiness consists in having a body."

I know our baby recieved a body and inherited it for a time.

The prophet Joseph F. Smith stated, "The body of man enters upon its career as a tiny germ or embryo, which becomes an infant, quickened at a certain stage by the spirit whose tabernacle it is, and the child, after being born, develops into a man." In Mormon Doctrine, Bruce R. McConkie adds that "this interpretation is in harmony with the general knowledge we have of the mercy and justice of that Infinite Being in whose divine economy nothing is ever lost. It would appear that we can look forward with hope and anticipation for the resurrection of stillborn children."

Isn't that wonderful? To God, nothing is ever lost; not a hair of the head, nor a fallen sparrow.

In the Doctrine and Covenants 124:28 the saints were instructed to build this dispensation's first temple unto the Lord. "For there is not a place found on the earth that He may come to and restore again that which was lost unto you, or which He hath taken away. . ."

In the Book of Mormon, Alma 11:44, regarding resurrection, we read, ". . . This restoration shall come to all, both old and young, both bond and free, both male and female, both the wicked and the righteous; and even there shall not so much as a hair of their heads be lost; but everything shall be restored to its perfect frame. . ."

The Savior taught in St. Matthew 10:29-31, "Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father."

"But the very hairs of your head are all numbered."

"Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows."

Does this not apply to an unborn baby? A living and growing embryo with a beating heart and sensitivity to light and sound? I find comfort in knowing that the Lord is in charge and whether or not stillborn children get another chance at coming to this earth, all are in His care. 1 Nephi 9:6,"But the Lord knoweth all things from the beginning; wherefore, he prepareth a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men; for behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words. And thus it is. Amen."

In the meantime. . .



Til we meet again, little one, I'll be missing you.