Divorce?

Warning: This blogpost contains my opinion. . . take it or leave it.

 

I just had a dream that two of our neighbors were getting a divorce. These two always seem so in love, the thought of them divorcing seems rediculous. Well, it got me to thinking about divorce and what an ugly word it is. Before I go on, I have to tell you, Alfonso & I have never been happier together. He asks me almost every day if I'll marry him, I never hesitate to say yes.

 

We both have known the "dark side" of marraige, the pain and suffering that drove us to divorce others in the past. And the pain and suffering that resulted.

 

Let me tell you about my feelings of divorce. I think many people look at it as a means to an end. I think many people glamorize it as such. Phrases like: "This isnt working." make me cringe. You know what? YOU'RE NOT WORKING. The mentality of: "We should divorce. Our problems will end, our lives will be better in the long run. It'll be hard but we'll both be better for it in the long run. " is so rediculous.

 

No. No way. I can tell you divorce doesnt work that way. Divorce isn't a means to an end. . . Its only the beginning of your problems.

 

For starters, and for both parties it is undisputable financial suicide. I don't care who you are. It rips your heart, it tears your soul, it scars you parts of you, you didnt know existed. It forever haunts you. But for your kids? It does all that and more and then shatters your kids entire world & sense of security. Not a day goes by that I dont see results of divorce STILL affecting one of our three boys. If you think that divorce will end your interactions with your former spouse, you're wrong. Especially if you have children together. You will see, interact, coordinate, still agree or disagree with them on a regular basis. In some ways maybe indirectly, but daily. Co-parenting does not end with divorce.

 

I dont think that divorce should ever be considered unless is in an absolute LAST resort. Only if the marraige in jeopardy is worse than the beast I've been describing and even then, only if you have done EVERYTHING in your power to make it work. (And I mean EVERYTHING). When I got divorced I'd be frustrated when my lawyer asked repeatedly if there was ANYTHING we could do to save the marriage. I wanted to reply, "Of course not. Thats why we're here. Let's get this over with." But that sweet old man knew exactly what he was saying & I'd like to echo it. Is there anything that can still be done? To save it? Any stone unturned? Any fraction of a chance for it to survive? Any pride that can be replaced with painfully Christ-like love? If the answer is yes. Dont give up. Dont throw in the towel. YOU put the "work" into "making it work." You won't regret it.

 

You may ask, "How can she say this?"  "How can she advise to never give up, when she gave up and divorced ten years ago?" I can answer that without hesitation. I never gave up. When my past marriage failure and divorce attempts to haunt me, I can say with a clear conscience that with God's divine help, I did EVERYTHING I could.

 

And only then-with that well-earned peace of mind can I truly enjoy the new life he's given me and this second chance that I will never, NEVER take for granted.

 

Tomorrow's Mountain

Life is such a struggle.
Listen to me talk, I've have a good life. I'm very fortunate, and while troubles heap up around me, I know without a doubt that things could ALWAYS be worse. 
But really, life is tough.
Just as soon as we feel like we've overcome an obstacle; the moment we've reached the top of a mountain, we find we're standing at the foot of another.

Waiting to be climbed.

Only to be followed by another mountain and another and so on, and so on til the day we die. Depressed yet?
Maybe I am, tonight.

The truth is, our success or failure in this life depends entirely on our attitude. We've been dealt a hand of reality. A heaping helping of things we cannot change, and unabashed challenge to identify and do something about the things we can.

There are a few things I can be sure of. I know who I'm climbing with. I know that their companionship, support and presence makes this journey infinitely better. I know that I'm climbing for a reason. I know that I'm going somewhere. This series of mountains isn't torture. It's not designed to trick me, or punish me. It's to make me stronger. It's to bring me joy. When better to experience joy, then when standing at the top of a peak, feeling the wind in my hair, and knowing that my efforts and struggles and the grace of God made the view possible.

So tonight, instead of being overwhelmed by what rough patches may wait for me in the very near future, I can enjoy where I am now. I can enjoy the peace I feel from doing what I believe and know is right. I can sleep well knowing that I put in a good day's work. I can pat myself on the back because I didn't lash out on anyone who may have driven me to the brink of sanity. I can take a moment to listen to the voices of the people around me that I love, and embrace the chaos. I can tell them I love them. I can show them I love them. I can know that after a night of attempted rest, and a sincere prayer on my knees, I will have everything I need to climb tomorrow. 

A Guardian of the Hearth - My Thoughts at 2:26 a.m.

I was asked to share some thoughts about being a guardian of the hearth at a meeting last month. For days I researched and stewed over what to say. What could I possibly share that someone might need to hear? Then one early a.m. I woke up, picked up my pen and started to write.
Take it or leave it, this, plus a few revisions, is what I came up with.

What is a guardian of the hearth? First, what is a hearth?
It is the floor of a fireplace.
It is a vital center of the home.
It is synonymous with the word “home” itself.
The hearth was a place where all in the house would gather for warmth, light, company, and nourishment. It was quite literally the heart of the home. Therefore, a guardian of the hearth is one who watches over and protects home and family.

 A guardian of the hearth can be anyone. But is most likely, you. A guardian of the hearth may have been trained to be such from childhood. A pillar, generations in the making. Or she may be a pioneer in her field. She may have a quiver full of children, a bustling household, a single companion at her side or perhaps she is a family of one. No matter, her well-being and her refuge is of sacred importance. And through the years, her residence may change, it's residents coming and going through various ages, stages, and phases, but the hearth stays the same.

She should know that the foundation under her feet, supporting her world, is God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost. She is defending the key components of an eternal family; prayer, scripture study, sabbath day observance, family home evening, and spiritual growth in general. She is watchful of the nurturing and overall well-being of each spirit in her charge. Including her own. If there is anything virtuous lovely, of good report or praiseworthy, she not only seeks for it but makes it readily available in abundance for all who pass by.

Her motto is, “Charity Never Faileth” Her direction is heaven. Her refuge, on her knees.

 

A guardian of the hearth should be ready for battle. Daily battle. Dressed always in the armor of God. She is not afraid to recognize the enemy, identify his hiding places, his strongholds, nor his attempts to infiltrate and destroy all that she holds dear. She is not afraid of the enemy at all but holds her head high with confidence in the strength of God. 

A guardian of the hearth is not afraid to be recognized as such. She disregards the opinion of the world and rather, focuses on upholding righteous traditions and cherishing sacred moments. She is in the business of memory-making and is always in search of that positive teaching moment. She is always ready to learn.

A guardian of the hearth should never underestimate her calling, her God-given power, nor her un-acclaimed influence for good.

A guardian of the hearth is BEAUTIFUL. She is a daughter of God and a child of light. Her countenance is HIS. When she gives of her time, she gives of her love and HIS. Her hands are HIS hands. Her purpose, HIS.

She should know that while in the service of God, she will NEVER miss out on ANYTHING that is truly worthwhile. And IF she is ever weary. If she feels run down. If she begins to question her validity in this world, she should remember that her work MATTERS, that she is NEVER alone. Angels WILL buoy her up. The Holy Spirit WILL guide and The Son of God WILL carry her.

 Peter, a guardian of the hearth, said to Tabitha, “Daughter, arise.” Christ says it to you; “Daughter, arise!” Don't be ashamed to stand in this holy place he has prepared and reserved for YOU. YOU are the guardian of this holy place. . . called home.

Take your place and guard it well.

 

By Rochelle Flores

The Abyss

What do you do when you're down in the dumps? Stuck in a dark abyss? And how do you get there in the first place. I have a hard time opening up about this because I really can't complain. My life is really great. I have an amazing family, and everything I could possibly ever want. I have a quote on my wall stating, "A rich person is not the one who has the most, but needs the least." I like that statement. And honestly, by that definition I am rich, I don't need much. I don't knead much either, but that's another story, bread's never been my forte.

The last few days I've felt really low. After waking in the morning from frequent disturbingly bad dreams I'd feel yucky all day as a result. Kind of empty, like I've gotten lost in the daily grind. Do you ever feel that way? I realized last night why I'm struggling so much. Two important daily habits recently have become non-daily. Not "daily" enough? Anyway, if I don't get down on my knees and talk to my Heavenly Father, and if I don't take time to pick up his words and study them, and listen, I feel noticeably empty. This is a fact for me. And to be honest with you, I'm feeling better just talking about it. Now the trick is to do it.
p.s.Forgive me for talking about religion. I know it's personal. But I'm doing it anyway. We're friends, right?

I think it's important to know yourself and your needs. Take care of yourself,so you can take care of others. So I'm saying "Sayonara" to this abyss and taking the first shuttle out. I'm going to do the things that are essential to my happiness so misery won't take over. In the words of a song by Jenni Phillips, "There's just no room for darkness in our lives." Here's to choosing light.

Giving Thanks - #5 For Three Rays of Sunshine

Particularly named, Benjamin, Spencer, and William. I cannot. . . rephrase, I REFUSE to imagine life without them. Children change our lives in ways that can never be anticipated and in quantities that cannot be concieved. Rain or shine, happy or cranky, naughty or nice, they are each a vital part of me. I wouldn't trade them for the world and all it's treasures. I am so thankful to God for sending them to our family.

“The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him.”
Pablo Casals

Giving Thanks - #4 For Dirty Dishes

Lord, thank you for this sink of dirty dishes;
We have plenty of food to eat.
Thank you for this pile of dirty, stinky laundry;
We have plenty of nice clothes to wear.
And I would like to thank you, Lord, for those unmade beds;
They were so warm and comfortable last night.
I know that many have no bed.
My thanks to you, Lord, for this bathroom,
Complete with all the splattered mirrors, soggy, grimy towels and dirty lavatory;
They are so convenient.
Thank you for this finger-smudged refrigerator that needs defrosting so badly;
It has served us faithfully for many years.
It is full of cold drinks and enough leftovers for two or three meals.
Thank you, Lord, for this oven that absolutely must be cleaned today.
It has baked so many things over the years.
The whole family is grateful for that tall grass that needs mowing,
The lawn that needs raking;
We all enjoy the yard.
Thank you, Lord, even for that slamming screen door.
My kids are healthy and able to run and play.
Lord, the presence of all these chores awaiting me says
You have richly blessed my family.
I shall do them cheerfully and I shall do them gratefully.

Author Unknown

October Creativity

I took these to some friends today. They turned out cute, I think.

If you'd like to share this message with a friend, shoot me an email @ imsoronry@yahoo.com and I'll send you the Word document. The message goes like this;

"Being a Christian
is like being a Pumpkin.

God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. He opens you up, touches deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff-- including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed etc.
Then he carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine
for all the world to see." Author unknown.


And just for fun, here's some silly Halloween friends I painted while the kids were playing with watercolors. JTWIS.


HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Happy?

I stumbled across this the other day and LOVED IT! Could the key to happiness possibly be this simple? Follow the arrows. What do you think?

Thank You, Conan O'Brien

My friend Heather posted this on her blog and I thought it was just too good not to share. Plus I'm a big fan of Conan O'Brien.

Work hard. Be Kind. :)

First Day, Huh?

This little giraffe is trying to stand shortly after being born at Aalborg zoo in northern Jutland, Denmark. This picture makes makes me think, "I've had day's like that."
The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore they attempt the impossible - and achieve it, generation after generation. ~Pearl S. Buck

The distance is nothing; it is only the first step that is difficult. ~Marie de Vichy-Chamrond, Marquise du Deffand, letter to Jean Le Rond d'Alembert, 7 July 1763

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. ~Author Unknown

The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me. ~Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

The best angle from which to approach any problem is the try-angle. ~Author Unknown

Suddenly It's Spring

This sweet little cartoon features Raggedy Anne in her early days. To help her sick friend get well, Raggedy Anne goes to see if Mr. Sun will shine again. I love this little show - especially today considering the fact that our once spring-bound, empty yard is now covered with a foot of snow. Spring will come. Spring will come.


(Keep in mind how long ago this was made and excuse the part with Mr. Wind, it's a little racial.)

The Price He Paid

Author Unknown

Is a rich man worth more than a poor man?
Is a stranger worth less than a friend?
Is a baby worth more than an old man?
Your beginning worth more than your end?
Is a president worth more than his assassin?
Does your value decrease with your crime?
Like when Christ took the place of Barabas,
Would you say he was wasting his time?

Well, how much do you think you are worth boy?
Will anyone stand up and say?
Would you say that a man is worth nothing
Until someone is willing to pay?

I suppose that you think that you matter.
Well how much do you matter . . . to whom?
It's much easier at night, when with friends and bright lights,
Than much later alone in your room.
Do you think they'll miss one in a billion?
When you finish this old human race.
Does it really make much of a difference
When your friends have forgotten your face?

If you heard that your life had been valued,
That a price had been paid on the nail,
Would you ask what was traded?
How much? And who paid it?
Who was he? And what was his name?
If you heard his name was called Jesus,
Would you say that the price was too dear?
Held to the cross, not by nails, but by love.
Maybe you broke his heart, not the spear.
Would you say you were worth what it cost him?
You say No? But the price stays the same.
If it doesn't make you cry, laugh it off, pass Him by.
But remember the day when you throw it away,
That He paid what He thought you were worth.

How much do you think HE is worth boy?
Will anyone stand up and say?
Tell me, what are you willing to give HIM
In return for the price that HE paid?

Have Hope

The Road of Life

-- author unknown

At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge,
keeping track of the things I did wrong,
so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die.
He was out there sort of like a president.
I recognized His picture when I saw it,
but I really didn't know Him.

But later on when I met Christ,
it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride,
but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ
was in the back helping me pedal.

I don't know just when it was that He suggested
we change places, but life has not been the same since.

When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring,
but predictable . . .
It was the shortest distance between two points.

But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts,
up mountains, and through rocky places
at breakneck speeds, it was all I could do to hang on!
Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal!"

I worried and was anxious and asked,
"Where are you taking me?"
He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to learn to trust.

I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure.
And when I'd say, "I'm scared,"
He'd lean back and touch my hand.

He took me to people with gifts that I needed,
gifts of healing, acceptance and joy.
They gave me gifts to take on my journey, my Lord's and mine.

And we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away;
they're extra baggage, too much weight."
So I did, to the people we met,
and I found that in giving I received,
and still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him, at first, in control of my life.
I thought He'd wreck it;
but He knows bike secrets,
knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners,
knows how to jump to clear high rocks,
knows how to fly to shorten scary passages.

And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places,
and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face
with my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ.

And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore,
He just smiles and says . . . "Pedal."

It's A Wonderful Life

I've always believed this, but now I FEEL that it's true. In a world where children have to be cautious in case a monster lives nextdoor, earthquakes, hurricanes and poverty seem commonplace, and lonliness kills, I believe that life IS wonderful. I've been blessed with loving family, kind friends and patient associates. I have been blessed with the knowledge of who I am, why I am here, and where I am going. I have been blessed with courage, strength, and faith to face the sometimes terrifying unknown. Once content to support my family and live out my life a working single mom, God surprised me by revealing that he had something else in store. Something great. I know God loves us, and He wants us to be happy. Alfonso and I haven't set a date to be married yet, and it seems like there are a lot of additional factors up in the air right now; our wedding date and place, how and where to buy a home, employment options, schools, etc. All things considered, it's fun to have options, to be loved, to know that we are all a part of something great. . . something wonderful. :)